Living arrangements: We are still living in a three bedroom flat in the bustling west end of Paisley, Scotland (which is just outside Glasgow). If you have never seen where we live, check out the gallery for some pics. We did have a flat mate, but she just moved out so, now we’ve got the place all to ourselves. Sad to see her go though…

For those of you who have never been to Paisley’s west end, it was a bit of a jest to call it bustling, as it’s reputation is for being a bit run down, and rough. But, we’re very near the church here, and we have grown to really like the area. Rachel has gotten to know a few of the shop keepers and workers through her job at the cafe, and I too, have gotten to know a few folk in the neighborhood.

Rachel: I mentioned Rachel’s job at the cafe, we don’t think that she’ll be returning to that job any time in the next year or more. She loved it, but with three weans now, the role of mom is quickly expanding to be a full time job, which is cool. Thankfully, she is getting maternity pay, for the next several months, so financially, we are doing fine.

John: I’m still working at Christians Against Poverty (CAP). For those of you who don’t know what that is, it is a debt counselling centre, which sends it’s counsellors into the home to help them sort out their financial situation. It’s a wonderful job, and they care about the whole person, and so if a persons issues transcend their financial situation, which it often does, we seek to minister to the person in whatever way that we can. It’s an amazing opportunity, and it is really great to be able to present a solution to someone who was in way over their heads.

Currently, we as CAP Paisley, are looking at what our financial position will be like next year. There will be a measure of funds that are available now, that will not be available in 2010, and so, we are trying to decide what that will look like, and what God would have us do.

The Church: We are still active members of Christian Growth Centre Paisley. It’s a great young church with quite a bit happening. The biggest change that has been announced recently is that some good friends of ours, Niell & Fiona Shaw, will be taking over pastoring the church. They are going to be some of the area’s youngest pastors, if not the youngest, and it will be exciting to see their vision come into being.

The kids: Kiera just had her second birthday on the 10^th of Feb, and Aria is now three and a half. Johnny boy is of course a couple weeks old now (if that). They are really exciting to be around, they love joking, Kiera loves climbing on me, and Aria loves chatting. She asks so many questions, and just talks and talks, it’s great (especially after 9am).

What to say about Johnny… He’s so chilled out! I have a hard time believing that any baby can be that chilled. He very rarely cries or anything. I think it’s just that Rache is just so good at recognizing needs and meeting those needs, so that he never gets out more than a grunt or two before the need is satisfied. At any rate, I’m certainly sleeping pretty well, and Rachel says that last night she had two really good stretches, four hours and three hours. Well ok, I guess the term ‘good’ is used a bit loosely. As I said, being a mom is a tough job

Oh, but I am not firmly defeated, and I truly do laugh at my predicament as for one, it is actually quite funny, and two, deep down I know that my hope of glory does not lie in my abilities at all, and that dispelling of this age old myth brings a magnificent sense that the victory is already secured. I am not sure if the point of what I’m trying to say is obscured in this analogy so let me try to say it plainly.
I keep getting lured into a trap of believing that my success in life depends on my ability to follow Christ. It does not. Some of you are thinking, “Why, yes! Your point was obscured by that analogy.” Allow me to try to connect my mental dots.
Success in this world according to the self-help books & seminars is about taking control of your life. It’s about taking the resources that you have been given, whether they are material, or the set of skills and giftings that you have. Then, you plug those skills, gifts, and resources in to your schedule, and make sure that you apply diligence to their usage and the result is… your success!
And, let me say that I agree that the above principle is true, God ordained, and does work. However, God is above these principles, and there are many examples in the bible and throughout history where God blesses someone with the fruits of success based on other principles. Humility, obedience, mercy, love, kindness, generosity. God often brings about success for someone, or a group of people in a way that would completely defy the worldly formulas for success. And, He loves to do that, because it brings Him great glory. Such are the stories of: Samson, who being blinded before he destroys a whole dictating regime; the Israelites who destroyed the walls of Jericho by marching around it; the unarmored boy, David defeating Goliath with his sling; Hezekiah defying the king of Assyria, when only a miracle would deliver him.(2Kings19); Or what about Gideon (Judges 6&7), his land was being attacked by a combined force of nations. And listen to the wisdom of God, “You have too many men for me to deliver Midian into their hands. In order that Israel may not boast against me that her own strength has saved her…” Gideon’s force of 22,000 was reduced to a force of 300 before God gave the victory to his 300 over a vast, swarming army (Judges 7:12) looks beyond, the skills, and natural gifts that a person has, and gives new gifts—Spiritual gifts.
What about examples of the wisdom of God in the New Testament? How about Jesus choosing fishermen and tax collectors for the position of ‘world church leadership’? Or, what about the fact that God sent the fisherman, Peter, to preside over the flock at Jerusalem, while he sent the ex-religious nut, Pharisee, Paul to the Heathen, pagan idol worshipers. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to send the ex-pharisee to the Jews because he could relate to their world-view? And, wouldn’t the down-to-earth fisherman be able to more effectively minister to the heathens? Maybe, but God often defies the traditional path to victory. This is exemplified in the path that Christ walked. At the height of his ministry, after his triumphal entry into Jerusalem, when his popularity was at a peak, and all the tabloids were raving about who this man was, He gives Himself into the hands of His murderers. Do you remember where Peter tries to correct Jesus and set him straight with some real wisdom. “Jesus, this isn’t the way man. Look, we can make it big, but you can’t go dying on me now. Fa’ real bro, what we need is a business plan! And, maybe a mission statement, It’s the latest thing..” Jesus cuts him off, “Get behind me Satan. You don’t know what you’re saying, God’s carved out a different path for me and it’s not the paved road to success that you envision” (obviously paraphrased).
The path that God had carved out for the Son ultimately led him to a throne in the glory of glories, but it was through death on the cross that He had to travel. Likewise for us, our path to victory, success & glory must pass through the gate of death on a cross. We allow ourselves to be counted as dead in Christ, and our lives, surrendered as such. And, God for His part, accepts our surrendered lives and gives us a deposit of the glory to come in the person of His Spirit, who comes and breathes a new life, His life into our own. To those of us who have experienced this new life, we see the wisdom of God clearly in this plan for us and it excites us! But, for those who have not tasted it, and do not wish to, it will ever remain a bit of foolishness which they will never entertain above their own ideas of how to achieve their lofty ambitions.(1 Cor 1:18-31)
Christ has won my victory. He watched over me my whole life while I made bad decision after bad decision, and when I was twenty three years old, He revealed Himself to me as the one who saves not only after death, but in this life as well. He revealed that He has mercy sufficient enough to cover up all of those bad decisions and sin, regardless of how nasty. And, therein lies my victory, my salvation, and my success!
Which brings me to my scheduling issues. I honestly do want to be better at it, and I will work on it still… But it must be worked on in the light of my victory, and always done with a willingness to allow God to accomplish what He wants to accomplish in His own way. I mustn’t limit God’s ability to grant me success by saying that the only way is for me to get better at such-and such. It’s not true, God can do great things with just a mustard-seed of faith, and it pleases Him to do so, because He is greatly glorified in such miracles.
Another by-product of this slight shift in my mentality is that much of the pressure for me to perform is alleviated. I’m able to breathe a deep sigh of relief and know that He’s got it all under control. And you know the funny thing. The kind of restful state that this produces is the very state that we are most likely to perform well in! When I am at rest in Christ, I find that I am doing the best in time management. Funny, eh? But, who can question the wisdom of God? May He forever get the glory!

I write a blogspot for a quarterly Christian women’s magazine in the UK and two nights ago found me writing about the different things I’ve reflected on in the way of demands. It was rather ironic because that very day had felt so demanding– especially in the area of motherhood. I definitely had not been a very stellar example of patience. So as I wrote, I felt like I was reminding myself of certain truths and encouraging my spirit that there ARE ways to cope with the demands. 

Writing the article was also somewhat ironic because the very next day (yesterday) in the café, there was suddenly an influx of demanding customers. Yes, most days that I waitress bring a certain amount of impatient customers, but yesterday there seemed to be an wave of them. There are many different ways that they show their impatience: their facial expressions, glancing at their watches, occasionally swearing, walking out. Of course, this usually happens when the café is already buzzing and I am trying to keep my head on straight and serve people in the right order. But I have come to realize that everyone wants to be the one who is preferred. Okay, not everyone. There are those beautiful people who are kind and reflect an atmosphere of peace and patience. These ones, these shining ones, are a joy to serve and make the day so much brighter. But unfortunately, the world abounds with those who want to be first. And this is why all this reflecting got started in the first place.

The more I’ve thought about, the more I realize that almost every aspect of my life is interwoven with demands. Some of the demands I struggle with are real, some are imagined. But they are there and often I feel really burdened by them. I want some space, some beautiful ‘alone time’ to just be me. And yes, this is a healthy and necessary part of staying sane, but I realize that I can’t just rely on my ‘alone time’. For one, it happens so rarely and those times that I need it most are usually the times when it is least available. So, I thought, there has to be some other solution that can couple this. Knowing God, I figured the answer would end up involving Him more than it involved my own abilities to keep it all together.

I am reading a book by Madeleine L’Engle called ‘Circle of Peace’. The title of this book brings such a beautiful picture to mind. And it is not a circumstancial peace: it doesn’t mean that everything around me is all ‘la-tee-da’. This circle of peace is something more like a shield in the midst of battle– the battle of life. This peace is that which ‘transcends understanding’– the type that doesn’t make sense because of the chaos around me. So I am finding that I need to constantly choose to throw my inadequacies down and rely on God’s strength. That is when peace comes and I can learn to have joy in spite of the demands.

(On a related side note, I find that I can’t even get away from the demands while I’m sleeping! Last night I dreamed that I was working in the café and U2 came in and sat at a table in the kitchen (the kitchen??!), laughing and joking together. Bono wanted a double-shot latté and everytime I went to make it, another customer would be up in my face demanding to be served. It took me an hour to finally finish making Bono his latté! But, I must say, he was very nice and patient about it!)

Now, when we lived in India, I simply accepted the fact that the power supply was cut off several times a week. Yes, I’d groan if it happened while I was on the computer, but for the most part, it wasn’t a huge inconvience. Usually it would happen in the middle of the day and perhaps I’d come home from grocery-shopping with Aria in the sling and both hands lugging hefty bags of food items only to find that I would have to climb the four flights of stairs (or was it five?) to get home as the elevator was out of commission. But, I coped quite well. We had a set cupboard in which we kept the candles, matches, and flashlight and tried to remember which lights had been on if we had to retire to our beds before the electricity came back on. But, that was over two years ago and how we forget!

We lost power last night just as I was tucking the girlies into their beds. John thought it was a fuse at first, but no such luck. Aria started fussing over how dark it was, so I went to get a candle to put on their dresser. Amazingly, I was able to track down the matches without too much difficulty. And thankfully we have half a dozen candles lying around, which I promptly lit. Most of the flats on our side of the street were without electricity and random flats across the street were out too–the pattern of the blackout seemed without rhyme or reason. I took three candles into the kitchen and prepared the dishes for their face-washings, rinsing them with cold water and then improvising to wash them in hot. Our water is heated by gas, but the switch is electric so that kind of makes the gas pointless without the electricity. The stove-top is gas as well, but the built in lighter is also electric. Thankfully, having spent numerous months in India, Italy, and Mexico, I quickly remembered that all I needed to light the gas stove was a match!:-) Like I said, how easily we can forget! So, I boiled up a big pot of water, made some tea, and washed my dishes by candlelight. Perhaps they didn’t get quite as clean because lighting was dim, but I managed to get the place cleaned up and then John and I sat down on the couch to enjoy our tea and talk in the flickering light of our quiet house. The sound of the clock on the wall noisly ticked away the seconds without competition from the other appliances. The house had a peaceful air about it.

When we lost our power, I was reminded of how we are so reliant on it in our modernized lives. The neighbours from across the street were wandering around outside almost as if they were lost and didn’t know what to do with themselves. I suppose, with television and computers occupying most people’s evenings, the loss of electricity is rather disruptive. My own evenings more often than not involve the internet or a movie. But I found the loss of power a little blessing in disguise. Life seemed to slow down a bit. John and I had a good conversation over tea. And the lingering smell of candles added a delightful aroma to the air.

All the same, it was reassuring that the electricity came back on after two false hopes just before we went to bed… it wouldn’t do for my whole freezer-full of food to thaw!

I started working in Skirlies just before Christmas. I’d never been in the place before, but it had a good aura (so to speak) about it so I thought, “Hey, I could work here.” I popped my head in, left my details, and by the end of the week I was an official Skirlies waitress. I’m sure it usually isn’t so easy, but for me, it was the right place at the right time.

At the time we were still living on Kerr Street and it took me 20 minutes to walk to work. Within two months we’d moved to Queen Street and it took me all of two minutes (if that) to get there. How nice it is to know that even though I have to be at work at 7:45 a.m., I really don’t have to get up until 7:15 if my night’s sleep wasn’t all that it should have been. Mind you, this means that not only do I live in the rough end of town, but I work there too. But this is okay… I’ve only had one major happening in these past nine months:

It was closing time and myself and the assistant cook were just getting ready to do the floors. Our boss had been in that day- a no-nonsense type person who is small, yet strong–she spent a few years in the Edinburgh police force. Anyway, a tall, unshaven, unwashed, older man came in and I tried to make out from his stuttered speech if he was making an order. Amy (the boss), seeing that I was having trouble understanding the man, came over to assist me. His white hair on both his head and face seemed greasy, his jacket was dirty, and his pale blue eyes had an almost vacant stare. I was nervous that he perhaps had some medication that he needed to take; Amy was reading it differently. Anyway, he didn’t seem to have any money so she told him that he needed to leave as it was now past closing time, but she did offer him some scones that would just have been thrown out the next morning. She seemed to have the situation under control so I carried some dishes back to the kitchen. Suddenly I heard a sound almost between a growl and moan and my first thought was “Oh my goodness… he’s attacking Amy!” My mind propelled me toward the cash register where I knew the panic buttons were located and as I came into view, I saw Amy struggling with him. He fell against the counter and sent some plates crashing to the floor before Amy was able to guide his collapsing body down. It was then that I realized that he was having a fit. Amy knew just what to do, the ambulance was called, and in the end, the unconcious man was revived and taken away, leaving me, at least, feeling badly shaken. Apparently it was alcohol related. I have since seen the man twice from my kitchen window: the first time he was being pushed in a wheelchair by a younger woman and still seemed rather out of it, but the next time there seemed to be an improvement in his spirits and two women and children were with him and both his hair and beard were trimmed. I didn’t feel disgusted with him as my boss and co-worker had, but rather I felt a sympathy for this man who’d caused us such a fright. Anyway, that’s been the biggest happening so far in my career as a waitress!

I always wanted to work as a waitress in a café… I just didn’t see it happening anytime in my twenties as I have wee kiddos to care for. However, the dream was there. I think I liked the idea so much because of the joy that I’ve found in many different cafés, both in North America and Europe. I’ve always liked seeking out the one that fits me best and then frequenting it to write and sip something hot– cappuccinos, pots of steaming tea, or hot chocolate. Ahh, yes- relaxing in a place and working in one are entirely different things altogether. But usually, I enjoy my two days a week being a waitress. I wear all black on those days–the standard uniform of Europe–and a little red apron with pockets takes a lot of abuse as it’s smeared with butter, caramel, or other such things that end up on my hands. When it’s busy, I’m constantly in demand and am amazed how much serving customers can be like being a mum to toddlers (i.e. it matters not if you’re busy with a large amount of other things, everyone wants to be on the top of your priority list!).

One of my biggest joys in working in the café is that I have learned the art of making a good coffee. Yes, somedays the milk foams better than others, but for the most part, I can turn out a beautiful latté or cappuccino and that feels like a great accomplishment!

But at any rate, when I finally did get out of bed around 7:30 to get the girls fed & dressed, I was wondering what to do with them on this wet day. I contemplated my options. I took them to the indoor playground at McDonalds yesterday—a real treat for them, and one they would gladly do again. But naw. The only other option that seemed good was to dress them for the rain and take them out to play in it, and get wet if they wanted to, and that seemed like fun.

So, we got them all dressed up in their rain gear, including wellies (rubber boots), and took off into the steady rain. Aria was absolutely thrilled to be allowed to walk through any and every rain puddle that she saw along the way to town. And, I encouraged her in this endeavour, to both of our delights. Then, as we passed a stretch of grass outside of our local library, I noticed the mother of all puddles, welled up in the middle of the lawn. When I asked Aria if she wanted to go walk in the ‘wee pond’, her eyes got all big, and her lips formed an ‘o’ as she drew a deep breath, relishing the thought. “Go Ahead” I said. And she was off.

It was so much fun to watch her running through this thing time after time, occasionally shooting a glance my way to make sure that it was still ok. It was almost as much fun to see people’s reactions as they walked by. Some laughed heartily, while others smirked while half shaking their heads. I heard remarks like, “kids!”, or “Isn’t that just like ‘em”, or, “They’re all the same!” I laughed when one lady said, “They always head straight for trouble don’t they.” I thought I should probably correct her. “WE always head straight for trouble.” After all, isn’t heading for trouble more of a humanity trait than it is a characteristic of kids? I’m diverting a bit here, but I really was enjoying the interaction with the people on the street. And I wasn’t the only one noticing the passer-byers. After she had played by herself in the puddle for about 10 mins, she ran up to me and shyly said something to me real quiet like. “What?” I asked as I inclined to hear her better. “I want that girl to play in the puddle” she said, as she looked at a girl slightly older than her who had just walked past.

“Awwww”, I exclaimed, “She can’t honey, she’s not dressed for it.” And I truly felt a little bad that she didn’t have someone her age to jump in that puddle with.

Man! How much better are the good things in life when we have people to share them with? It’s like at the playground. When you have one kid, he goes about the playground quietly having his fun, doesn’t he? Maybe the occasional scream or shout? But, then when you add another couple to the mix—the decibel level multiplies exponentially. It’s crazy, they just seem to set each other off and have a blast with the simplest games & activities. For example: I just took a break from writing this article to sit down with my family and eat dinner. Kiera, the 17 month old, pauses from eating to let out a short burst of a scream. Aria laughed at that and then Kiera laughed that Aria laughed. Then she screamed again. This time, Aria laughed and answered the cry with her own siren-like scream. You get the idea. What would have only been a mere novelty alone (a simple scream) was a hilarious game when shared between the two.

It’s just funny, ya know? Back at the grass pond, Aria and I were both seeking to share our experience of the rain puddle with the people around us. I, by chatting to those around me, and she, by wishing that the kids walking by would play with her. Somehow, sharing life with others validates our joys, fears, sorrows, and other emotions. And sharing life more than just validates our feelings, it somehow increases what we feel. That’s definitely part of the reason I like the idea of living in community! I’ve been thinking so much lately about what community is and about what it would look like for a bunch of Christians to move into a place together, sharing their lives with each other and with the community. It’s not an original thought—Christians have been doing it since they were Christians. But, the thought really appeals to me now.

Part of the reason is that it’s just not easy to share your life with others, and they with you in this hectic world. And it’s not because nobody likes the idea, it’s just that we’re so stinkin’ busy that it gets hard to really build deep relationships, ya know? Sharing life is a natural way to build deep relationships because it’s sharing all of the different kind of experiences that come naturally with life, ie: eating, working, playing, worshipping, praying, etc. Have you ever had a friend that you made at work? Someone that you probably wouldn’t have naturally gravitated toward, but because you worked together, you got past the surface level and really grew to appreciate the person? It’s because you shared life with the person, that you got to know them. Shouldn’t community serve to create opportunities to share life and, in the process, establish deep relationships?

Yeah, sharing life of course has its difficulties, and anyone who has ever had to live or work with someone (like all of us) knows that that is true. But are relationships forged and the lessons learned worth the trials? I would answer with an emphatic, “Definitely!” And I’m really hoping that in the future, some opportunity presents itself to establish deeper levels of community. Specifically, I’m hoping to find a bunch of people to move into a big house or apartment to share life, bills, work, laughs, and tears together. Could be fun… Probably’d be difficult, but fun… What do you think?

We are getting settled into the house pretty well. I’m actually not dying without my communications. Funny enough though, the guy from the phone company showed up today to install the phone line, (despite the fact that I had canceled the appointment), and he said that there was actually a line already installed and that I shouldn’t have to pay the huge fee to get one installed. Well, if it works out, I’ll do it, but the cool thing is that I’m not nearly as concerned now. I had already setled on life without a constant line to the rest of the world and it really is not such a bad thing.

Anyway, 6 min left, what can I say? Going on a surprise date with Rachel tonight. It’s definitely not been super easy to get time with just the two of us lately. But, we have some awesome friends stepping up to watch the girls tonight and so we’ll go “up the toon” (meaning “up to town”).

Yeah, It’s really cool that God cares about our relationship. He cares that we love each other and that our marriage is a safe place. I know that He cares for two reasons that I can think of (2min left). One, because He wants to show the world his love through our love. Two, He wants to work on us in the context of our relationship. This He is definitely doing. He’s teaching us how to love.
Anyway, gotta run.
more later