Oh, but I am not firmly defeated, and I truly do laugh at my predicament as for one, it is actually quite funny, and two, deep down I know that my hope of glory does not lie in my abilities at all, and that dispelling of this age old myth brings a magnificent sense that the victory is already secured. I am not sure if the point of what I’m trying to say is obscured in this analogy so let me try to say it plainly.
I keep getting lured into a trap of believing that my success in life depends on my ability to follow Christ. It does not. Some of you are thinking, “Why, yes! Your point was obscured by that analogy.” Allow me to try to connect my mental dots.
Success in this world according to the self-help books & seminars is about taking control of your life. It’s about taking the resources that you have been given, whether they are material, or the set of skills and giftings that you have. Then, you plug those skills, gifts, and resources in to your schedule, and make sure that you apply diligence to their usage and the result is… your success!
And, let me say that I agree that the above principle is true, God ordained, and does work. However, God is above these principles, and there are many examples in the bible and throughout history where God blesses someone with the fruits of success based on other principles. Humility, obedience, mercy, love, kindness, generosity. God often brings about success for someone, or a group of people in a way that would completely defy the worldly formulas for success. And, He loves to do that, because it brings Him great glory. Such are the stories of: Samson, who being blinded before he destroys a whole dictating regime; the Israelites who destroyed the walls of Jericho by marching around it; the unarmored boy, David defeating Goliath with his sling; Hezekiah defying the king of Assyria, when only a miracle would deliver him.(2Kings19); Or what about Gideon (Judges 6&7), his land was being attacked by a combined force of nations. And listen to the wisdom of God, “You have too many men for me to deliver Midian into their hands. In order that Israel may not boast against me that her own strength has saved her…” Gideon’s force of 22,000 was reduced to a force of 300 before God gave the victory to his 300 over a vast, swarming army (Judges 7:12) looks beyond, the skills, and natural gifts that a person has, and gives new gifts—Spiritual gifts.
What about examples of the wisdom of God in the New Testament? How about Jesus choosing fishermen and tax collectors for the position of ‘world church leadership’? Or, what about the fact that God sent the fisherman, Peter, to preside over the flock at Jerusalem, while he sent the ex-religious nut, Pharisee, Paul to the Heathen, pagan idol worshipers. Wouldn’t it have made more sense to send the ex-pharisee to the Jews because he could relate to their world-view? And, wouldn’t the down-to-earth fisherman be able to more effectively minister to the heathens? Maybe, but God often defies the traditional path to victory. This is exemplified in the path that Christ walked. At the height of his ministry, after his triumphal entry into Jerusalem, when his popularity was at a peak, and all the tabloids were raving about who this man was, He gives Himself into the hands of His murderers. Do you remember where Peter tries to correct Jesus and set him straight with some real wisdom. “Jesus, this isn’t the way man. Look, we can make it big, but you can’t go dying on me now. Fa’ real bro, what we need is a business plan! And, maybe a mission statement, It’s the latest thing..” Jesus cuts him off, “Get behind me Satan. You don’t know what you’re saying, God’s carved out a different path for me and it’s not the paved road to success that you envision” (obviously paraphrased).
The path that God had carved out for the Son ultimately led him to a throne in the glory of glories, but it was through death on the cross that He had to travel. Likewise for us, our path to victory, success & glory must pass through the gate of death on a cross. We allow ourselves to be counted as dead in Christ, and our lives, surrendered as such. And, God for His part, accepts our surrendered lives and gives us a deposit of the glory to come in the person of His Spirit, who comes and breathes a new life, His life into our own. To those of us who have experienced this new life, we see the wisdom of God clearly in this plan for us and it excites us! But, for those who have not tasted it, and do not wish to, it will ever remain a bit of foolishness which they will never entertain above their own ideas of how to achieve their lofty ambitions.(1 Cor 1:18-31)
Christ has won my victory. He watched over me my whole life while I made bad decision after bad decision, and when I was twenty three years old, He revealed Himself to me as the one who saves not only after death, but in this life as well. He revealed that He has mercy sufficient enough to cover up all of those bad decisions and sin, regardless of how nasty. And, therein lies my victory, my salvation, and my success!
Which brings me to my scheduling issues. I honestly do want to be better at it, and I will work on it still… But it must be worked on in the light of my victory, and always done with a willingness to allow God to accomplish what He wants to accomplish in His own way. I mustn’t limit God’s ability to grant me success by saying that the only way is for me to get better at such-and such. It’s not true, God can do great things with just a mustard-seed of faith, and it pleases Him to do so, because He is greatly glorified in such miracles.
Another by-product of this slight shift in my mentality is that much of the pressure for me to perform is alleviated. I’m able to breathe a deep sigh of relief and know that He’s got it all under control. And you know the funny thing. The kind of restful state that this produces is the very state that we are most likely to perform well in! When I am at rest in Christ, I find that I am doing the best in time management. Funny, eh? But, who can question the wisdom of God? May He forever get the glory!

But at any rate, when I finally did get out of bed around 7:30 to get the girls fed & dressed, I was wondering what to do with them on this wet day. I contemplated my options. I took them to the indoor playground at McDonalds yesterday—a real treat for them, and one they would gladly do again. But naw. The only other option that seemed good was to dress them for the rain and take them out to play in it, and get wet if they wanted to, and that seemed like fun.

So, we got them all dressed up in their rain gear, including wellies (rubber boots), and took off into the steady rain. Aria was absolutely thrilled to be allowed to walk through any and every rain puddle that she saw along the way to town. And, I encouraged her in this endeavour, to both of our delights. Then, as we passed a stretch of grass outside of our local library, I noticed the mother of all puddles, welled up in the middle of the lawn. When I asked Aria if she wanted to go walk in the ‘wee pond’, her eyes got all big, and her lips formed an ‘o’ as she drew a deep breath, relishing the thought. “Go Ahead” I said. And she was off.

It was so much fun to watch her running through this thing time after time, occasionally shooting a glance my way to make sure that it was still ok. It was almost as much fun to see people’s reactions as they walked by. Some laughed heartily, while others smirked while half shaking their heads. I heard remarks like, “kids!”, or “Isn’t that just like ‘em”, or, “They’re all the same!” I laughed when one lady said, “They always head straight for trouble don’t they.” I thought I should probably correct her. “WE always head straight for trouble.” After all, isn’t heading for trouble more of a humanity trait than it is a characteristic of kids? I’m diverting a bit here, but I really was enjoying the interaction with the people on the street. And I wasn’t the only one noticing the passer-byers. After she had played by herself in the puddle for about 10 mins, she ran up to me and shyly said something to me real quiet like. “What?” I asked as I inclined to hear her better. “I want that girl to play in the puddle” she said, as she looked at a girl slightly older than her who had just walked past.

“Awwww”, I exclaimed, “She can’t honey, she’s not dressed for it.” And I truly felt a little bad that she didn’t have someone her age to jump in that puddle with.

Man! How much better are the good things in life when we have people to share them with? It’s like at the playground. When you have one kid, he goes about the playground quietly having his fun, doesn’t he? Maybe the occasional scream or shout? But, then when you add another couple to the mix—the decibel level multiplies exponentially. It’s crazy, they just seem to set each other off and have a blast with the simplest games & activities. For example: I just took a break from writing this article to sit down with my family and eat dinner. Kiera, the 17 month old, pauses from eating to let out a short burst of a scream. Aria laughed at that and then Kiera laughed that Aria laughed. Then she screamed again. This time, Aria laughed and answered the cry with her own siren-like scream. You get the idea. What would have only been a mere novelty alone (a simple scream) was a hilarious game when shared between the two.

It’s just funny, ya know? Back at the grass pond, Aria and I were both seeking to share our experience of the rain puddle with the people around us. I, by chatting to those around me, and she, by wishing that the kids walking by would play with her. Somehow, sharing life with others validates our joys, fears, sorrows, and other emotions. And sharing life more than just validates our feelings, it somehow increases what we feel. That’s definitely part of the reason I like the idea of living in community! I’ve been thinking so much lately about what community is and about what it would look like for a bunch of Christians to move into a place together, sharing their lives with each other and with the community. It’s not an original thought—Christians have been doing it since they were Christians. But, the thought really appeals to me now.

Part of the reason is that it’s just not easy to share your life with others, and they with you in this hectic world. And it’s not because nobody likes the idea, it’s just that we’re so stinkin’ busy that it gets hard to really build deep relationships, ya know? Sharing life is a natural way to build deep relationships because it’s sharing all of the different kind of experiences that come naturally with life, ie: eating, working, playing, worshipping, praying, etc. Have you ever had a friend that you made at work? Someone that you probably wouldn’t have naturally gravitated toward, but because you worked together, you got past the surface level and really grew to appreciate the person? It’s because you shared life with the person, that you got to know them. Shouldn’t community serve to create opportunities to share life and, in the process, establish deep relationships?

Yeah, sharing life of course has its difficulties, and anyone who has ever had to live or work with someone (like all of us) knows that that is true. But are relationships forged and the lessons learned worth the trials? I would answer with an emphatic, “Definitely!” And I’m really hoping that in the future, some opportunity presents itself to establish deeper levels of community. Specifically, I’m hoping to find a bunch of people to move into a big house or apartment to share life, bills, work, laughs, and tears together. Could be fun… Probably’d be difficult, but fun… What do you think?

The inspiration for the name of this post–Superpower, came from a new song that we sing in our church. The chorus is something to the effect of:

You are the source,
You are the Superpower,
You win the day!

It goes on to speak of how in the midst of a world that has obviously gone wrong somewhere, God still remains victorious. I’ll tell you, today… I was really face to face with the fact that the world has gone awry. It may have been the drizzly rain was shading the way that I was looking at the scenes of the street as I walked home from work the afternoon, but certain scenes were jumping out at me, shouting that something was wrong with the world. A woman walking a few paces behind me shouted at her partner walking out of a pub across the street, “HEY!” as if to say, I caught ya red handed, ya dog! He didn’t back down an inch as he yelled back. “I’m goin’ tae get da POWER!” (meaning that he needed to put money on the electicity meter..it’s a prepaid system). Their interaction just struck me as typical of the area, and something inside me was saddened by the deterioration of relationships that seems to be so prevalent. Then, there were a couple of guys with the obvious appearance of junkies about them walking down the sidewalk-their cheeks hollow and cheek bones clearly defined. I tried to think about what they would have looked like with another twenty pounds on each of them, how it would have made them look normal, better!

Walking past the liquor shops and the stores & cafes that are now covered with grafiti lined steel shutters, and the vacated buildings with smashed windows, so much seemed as it should not be. I stopped for a while to pray as I leaned up against a wall. I prayed for a woman who I met with today who should not be in so much debt. Nor should she have treated so crappy by men in her life, but she was. I also remembered another guy who I had a long conversation with yesterday. We talked about how the bible says that the whole earth is subject to frusteration, but I didn’t need to tell him that. He’s reminded of the frusteration when he goes to the house where his wife & kids should be, but aren’t.

Actually the conversation that I had with this guy yesterday was a great one. I was definitely left with the distinct impression that God is real and that He is over all of these things, but today everything just looked so dreary! I realized then, just how down I was feeling, so I was thinking and talking to God about these things, about how He’s still joyful (and I do definitely believe that God is joyful despite the evil in the world), and I felt a question within me: will I dare to delight in God?. The question was, in the midst of all of these tough situations that can really cause despair if dwelt upon, will I instead choose to delight in the fact that God is infinitely good? The seemingly evident reality of the troubles around me were screaming for me to follow a path of despair, and the issues surrounding the depravity of our area do need to be addressed. But, the reality of God’s goodness, faithfullness, lovingkindness, and power to straighten out every crooked thing in His own time is actually far more a reality than even the evil that I was witnessing on the streets. Does that make sense? I have seen evidences of the beautiful character of God, but somehow the truths of his character are often mailigned as the devil seeks to mar the truth of God’s perfection. And His perfection is a cause for delight, so the question before me, was am I going to dare to delight in Him just now. And, I said yes.

As I said yes to God, I looked up to see a man in his fifties walking toward me with a young boy on his shoulders. The boy had a big smile on his face and a good tuft of hair clutched in each fist, but the guy didn’t seem to mind. The kid’s smile was contagious, and I truly took delight in that scene. But, ya know I was also delighting in God at the same time. I was delighting in the fact that there is still love in the world. There are still such things as laughter and smiles, hugs and kisses. Generosity still exists, and so does beauty and in the end, goodness will prevail!

Well, these are a few of the coals in our fires at the moment. There are other issues going on, and these few things mentioned, do not necessarily reflect the real stirrings of our hearts right now. But, they are issues on the table. The tricky part for me is to not get too caught up in the comings and goings of these ideas so that I do not find myself laying hold of the true treasures of God. What I mean is that Christ died for me, so that I might have continuous access to enter before the very presence of God and enjoy Him. This is a greater treasure than a good ministry, a nice house, and a few letters after my name. All those things are good, and people do seek them, but I don’t want to find myself wandering after these things unless I am holding the very hand of God as I do it. It is possible to go after good things, and yet not do it while being in a tangible relationship with the Heavenly Father. And, I just don’t care to waste my days that way. That’s not to say that it doesn’t happen-it does! I feel like I have wasted quite a few days over the last few weeks actually. Work and the stress of it, just kind of starts to consume my thoughts to the degree that I kind of forget about God. I’m not going to worry about it though, cause it stresses me out even more. Rather, I am going to cling to the fact that God loves my heart right now, and that he accepts me as I am, right now.
Well, ok… I’m going to run.. but much love from us and more later.

Well, for those of you who have been checking the site every day to see if the new baby has arrived, you can consider your quest concluded because Kiera Jean Clancy breathed her first lung-ful of fine Scotish air. Yup, Kiera Jean is the name. Kiera is pronounced like Key- Air- ah. However, the Scots seem to say it a little more like Keera, which I seem to favor. So, that’s the first name, and the middle name is Jean, after my Grandma… And, for all those who know my Grandma, Yes! She cried. (Sorry I told everyone Grandma, but I doubt anyone’s too surprised.)
Anyway, it was a very quick labor, four hours or so. Rachel had been having contractions (I keep wanting to call them contraptions) for the last couple of days, but they weren’t consistent until late this morning. We figured we still had time, so we had lunch. Well, after the food and a brief rest, they were really coming on strong. By the time we got to the hospital, she had had more contraptions than Thomas Edison. Seriously, they were coming every three minutes, and hard. The first bed they put her in was really tiny, and her feet hung off the edge. But, we were both really excited.

This is the little bed that Rachel was on when we first got there. I thought it was cute the way her feet hung from the bed.

Most of that excitement had turned to pure focus by the time that we arrived on the labor ward, a floor up. While the nurses rushed around to get everything prepared, the moans that had previously accompanied each contraction had turned to screams. And, I even think that I heard a growl or two in there. And, then when Rachel shouted at the top of her lungs, amidst her prayers to Jesus, ” I CAN’T DO THIS!” The busy nurses, paused for a second as they looked at each other, as if to say with their eyes, “Ok, she’s ready.”
Sure enough, after only being in that room for 30 mins or so, Rache gave a few pushes and… voila, the first Scotish Clancy… was born. It was pretty sweet.

Look at the baby’s cute lil’ feet! Awwww.

For those who like the stats, the baby was 8Lbs 3 oz, and born on Feb 10, 2007 at around 4:30 pm (Uk time). Quite a bit smaller than Aria, who weighed in at 9 lbs 11 oz. But, what she lacked in size, she made up for in cuteness. The pics don’t do her justice, but we thought we’d throw some up there for everyone anyway. We’ll keep you posted on how things are going. Rachel will be in the hospital for a couple of days, but nothing to worry about, everyone’s fine.

Here, Aria is reacting with a mixure of joy and concern. Joy that she’s with this baby, but concern that Kiera’s crying. Watching the two of them was adorable. Oh, and for anyone worried about the baby catching chick pox from Aria. Baby’s got mom’s immunity for 6 mos according to doc.

Oh, I forgot to mention Aria’s reaction to her new baby sister. Well, I was a little worried about the whole jealousy issue. I mean, I figured when Aria saw her mother with another little baby cuddled in those arms, that she would just try and crawl over the ‘intruder’ to get to mommy right? Her reaction couldn’t have been farther from that. She was just instantly in love. “Baby!” She cried while pointing to the baby, and then instantly started making the “give-me-that” noises while holding her arms out to the baby. I took her in my lap and helped Aria to hold her, and Aria was just in her glory. She just started kissing the baby’s head very gently while making her distinctive “MMMMWAA” kissing sounds. It was very adorable.
Check out the pictures. You can click on any of the pictures in this post to view the full size image. But, there are more pics
up on the gallery too, so check those out as well. More coming.
Blessings,
Feel free to leave questions if I forgot to mention anything in the comments.

Well, today was my last day of work. It was sad in a way. I worked with a lot of really great people and I enjoyed the daily professional interaction of working in a high traffic area of a good sized company. I had wonderful supervisors, semi-challenging tasks and decent pay, so it’s only natural that I would miss this job.
Yet, at the same time, there is also an eager anticipation and an excitement hidden away in my heart when I think about our upcoming journey to the mysterious land of Scotland. But, I say that the excitement is “hidden”, because, the first thing that hits me when I think of the upcoming trip is a bit of nervousness. I mean, I’m kind of in a pretty comfortable place right now as far as living arrangements go, and well, what I’m moving into is really quite unknown. I don’t know where I’ll be working, or what the day-to-day is going to look like. Sure that’s exciting, but it’s also a little nerve racking too!
Yet, when I really stop to think about the journey and what actually lies on the other side of the sea, awaiting us, I find myself plowing through any fears that I may have had into the excitement. The reason is that, I know that ultimately, it is going to be ok!
This whole upcoming move reminds me of a spontaneous journey I found myself on to Budapest. I was in Ukraine for a School that was supposed to be three, three-month trimesters. I had only finished one, and I wasn’t sure my finances would be sufficient for the rest of the six months. Besides running short on cash, and needing to pay the rest of the tuition, the leader of my school (whom I really liked and respected) had to leave because of a death in the family, and so I began to have doubts if this was really the right time to finish the school. I decided I would take a couple of days to pray about it and seek God’s voice on the matter.
Well, the next few days didn’t exactly play out the way I imagined them to! My friend called me from Western Ukraine and asked me if I wanted to take the train to spend a few days with him at a cabin in the hills. I told him of my plan to seek out the voice of God on this matter, and he assured me that we would do that together, so I said I’d call him back later with a definite answer. Within hours, I decided that would be awesome so I packed my clothes and made my way to the train station to catch the train that my friend had told me about, figuring that I’d call him from the station. But, when I got there the woman at the counter informed me that my friend had given me the wrong departure time. Instead of being there an hour early, I now only had 10 minutes to make my train. I quickly purchased the ticket and ran across the busy station toward my train, but stopped at a pay phone to quickly call my friend, Oleg.
After several rings, a man picked up the phone. I hurriedly asked if my friend was there in my broken Russian. “Niet” was his reply. “No problem” I spoke back quickly, and proceeded to leave a message for my friend. “Listen, I have very little time. Please tell Oleg that my train is coming in at such and such a time. Its earlier than he thought but that I’ll be there, Ok?
“I don’t understand” was his reply. I was getting a little frustrated. My Russian wasn’t perfect but this wasn’t an incredibly difficult conversation and he should have definitely been able to understand. In my frenzy to make my train (now leaving in about 5 min) I grabbed someone walking by.
“Please, explain to this guy on the phone that my train arrives at this time. Tell him to tell Oleg what time the train arrives.” The helpful guy took the handset from me and passed on the information, but a second later he cupped his hand over the mouthpiece and looked at me with a startling question, “Oleg who?” “Oleg Doob” I replied. As the man spoke this name back into the phone, the revelation struck me with humor and yet gravity. I took the phone back. “You mean you don’t know any Oleg Doob?” Sure enough, the man had never heard of him. Somehow, the only phone number that I had for my friend, was completely wrong.
I had about three minutes to decide what to do. In that time, my logic was something like this: Well, if I go, I can try to find him and make some calls to try and get the right number. And, if I don’tfind him, I’m sure it would prove to be an adventure! Besides that, I remembered that I needed to renew my visa. I knew I’d have to do it sometime, and that I needed to go to Budapest to do that. Why not now? If I couldn’t find Oleg, I’d go to Hungary. I had about $250 on me; I could probably make it to Budapest on that. I had to renew my Ukrainian visa because it was expiring in a matter of weeks anyway, so it seemed that whether I found him or not, the trip could be beneficial. I rushed to the train.
Well, even though my friend’s city, Lvov, was in western Ukraine, it was not on the way to Budapest. I ended up taking busses, to trains, to cars, and back to trains. I ended up going across the border with a gasoline smuggler, in his car. The trip was not quite the hop-skip-and-a-jump that I had figured in my three minute deliberation.
Once I did make it to Lvov, I never did meet up with my friend. However, there were some friendly people on the train who took me to their house, fed me and let me use their phone to try and track him down, but no luck. So, I went to Budapest and once I got there, I got some bad news.
They told me at the Ukrainian Embassy there, that it was going to cost me about $150 for my visa. Now, keep in mind, I entered Ukraine the first time on a single entry visa. That means that once you leave, you can not re enter until you get a new visa. Now that I had left, there was no turning back, I had to get that visa. But, what made the situation tough, was that the earliest I could get the visa was in 10 days.
When I counted all of my money and figured the cost of the visa and travel back… I had $4.00 a day to live off of. Four bucks a day?!? I started calling hostels and found that the cheapest one I could find was $7 bucks a day. So, I could get a bed for a few days and then sleep on the street for a few days, but that would mean that I couldn’t eat anything. And, I knew no one there!
Man, that was quite a predicament. But, you know what? Despite the obvious dangers involved in being stranded in one of the world’s major cities as a foreigner, I had a strong sense that it would be fine! Yeah, you could say that to go there like that, and then assume that God would take care of me is reckless or even presumptuous, and in some cases, you may be right, but, I didn’t put my self in this position to test God. I ended up there mostly because of… bad planning more than anything else. But it was bad planning with the attitude that, no matter what, it is going to be ok! Faith. And, it was more than ok.
I ended up hooking up with some Christians thanks to a phone book with an international church in it. And, I ended up having one of the best weeks of my life. I toured the whole city. I made some wonderful friends and even hooked up with some students doing their internship at a school called Bethany College of Missions. Sound familiar? Yeah, that’s where I heard about Bethany. It was a great time of really experiencing God’s faithfulness in the midst of a situation that was completely out of my control. And, in the midst of it, He even led me to what would be the next step of my life.
When reflecting on that story, I liken the experience to rock-climbing with a full harness and ropes. I had faith that God would take care of me and that if I fell, I would not be dashed to pieces on the rocks below. Rather, I would be caught in the safety line of my Creator. It doesn’t mean I won’t get banged up a bit now and again, but, ultimately, I am safe with Him. And, that kind of faith results in peace regardless of how tumultuous the situation.
And the faith that I’m talking about is really a natural thing. It’s a result of what the eyes of the heart have seen. Like when I look upon the sheer power of a snow-capped mountain range, the eyes of my heart fall upon the strength of its Creator. And, when I see a beautiful sunset, the eyes of my heart are enlightened to see the beauty of the Sovereign Artist. And, what’s more, is when I dwell on the cross and how Jesus gave His life for the redemption of His fellow man, and how the Father gave what was most precious to Him to bring many children to glory, the eyes of my heart fall upon the ultimate, undying love of the All-Mighty God…. for me. The action of faith that I’m referring to is a passive ascent to realities that have been revealed to me. I have seen God is good, therefore, I believe He is good to me.
And, I need that knowledge and faith now. I am about to embark on a pretty serious climb, and so it’s awesome to remember this time in Budapest, when God really met me in my need. He put divine appointments in my path and paved a way for me and Him to have an incredible time together. It was one of the defining times of my life and I’m so thankful for it. It helps me now to step through any fear that I may have of the unknown, and embrace the great adventure that lies ahead in Scotland.
You know what I mean? Its going to be alright! God isn’t going to let us fall and be dashed. He promises this in His word. He doesn’t promise that everything is going to be a piece of cake but who cares. Just knowing that He promises us an ultimate security, and a real victory in life, means that whatever comes our way, we can handle it. What’s more is that He also promises that whatever manner of suffering that we have to endure, the level of comfort that He will provide in Jesus will be greater! And, this isn’t just some flowery speech by a politician who can forget his promises once elected. This is the infinitely true and all mighty God who promises these things. He has no reason to lie, or to flatter because He is already all powerful and all sufficient. He needs no man’s vote, nor does He need men to like Him at all!
He promises what He promises, because it is good, and He keeps His promise because He is good! And, no one can stop Him. So, I can trust that! I can trust Him. And, by the grace He provides, I’m determined to do just that… to trust Him… It’s good, isn’t it?
Blessings.

In the last month, so much has happened. With our departure date to Scotland only two weeks away, Rachel and I have found ourselves seemingly short on time. Between the necessary paperwork and travel arrangements, as well as the holiday shopping and baking it seems like just finding time together as a family is a challenge. But, what has really been an additional stressor for me is when my mind begins to wander towards the future, specifically: what my role will be there in Scotland.
You see, I have a very strong desire to be a… minister. Or, a pastor. Or, whatever you want to call it. Forget about what you call it. I want to spend my time being called on to pray for people, or helping them figure things out by praying with them, talking with them, and searching the scriptures together. I love reading the bible and studying the mysteries contained in its pages, and I feel alive when I am teaching about the basic doctrines of the faith. I can’t think of any occupation that I would rather do.
That being said, I do not assume that now is definitely the right time to assume such a role or position. I may not be ready, and if I were, God would open a door for me to do that. However, the church in Scotland that we are going to work with does not even have full time pastors the way we might traditionally think of them. The pastors there are business people and they place strong emphasis on the responsibilities of Christians to remain a part of their community, rather than be an isolated cluster. I respect this drive to be salt and light to the world, and yet at the same time, it doesn’t exactly speak to this burning desire within me to spend my time in the Word.
So, my thought was that, maybe I would go and continue my education. I have some benefits that remain from the G.I. Bill from when I was in the Navy, and figure this would be a perfect time to use that and get some more schooling. I would love to study Greek and Hebrew and dive into some of the classic Christian writers, but when I thought about the logistics of how this could work, the idea kept toppling like a house made of playing cards. The GI bill wasn’t going to be enough to live off of, and what’s more, is that with another baby coming soon (Feb) Rachel is going to need my help.
Basically, there were three things that were tugging me in different directions: 1. Ministry stuff, which I strongly desire to do. 2. Providing for my family. Meaning, getting a job and making sure that Rachel knows we’re not going to be out on the street. 3. Lastly, being there as a husband and father for my family.
Now, as I recently met with a pastor, he reminded me of the order of importance when it comes to these three things. He basically reminded me that God was extremely concerned with my character and that, when I got married, I made strong commitments to my family to be there for them. And that to honor those commitments would not hinder my fruitfulness for the kingdom of God. He’s right. To try and plan going to full time ministry right now, would put too much strain on my young family. I think that if I were to allow this to happen, it would truly be irresponsible on my part, and would just be bad stewardship over the people whom God has trusted into my care. And, if I cannot be faithful with them, how could I be trusted with a larger flock?
So, in light of these ideas, I am putting school, and full time ministry “on the shelf”, till God pulls it down. The plan is to go to Scotland and get a full time job, while being there for my family so that we might grow strong in the might of the Lord. We will be involved in ministry with the church on some level, but, we will definitely strive to be sensitive to the Lord’s leading on that.
As, I have come to identify the desires of my heart and at the same time realizing that now is probably not the time for them, it’s been a painful process. This process is what has been referred to as the “death of a vision”. It’s when you want something really bad, or you think that God is going to give you something but, then the exact opposite happens, and you know that you have to just let it go.
I think the reason that God allows our vision to die, is so that He can resurrect it in His glory, with His strength and His Holiness. If He were to allow us to just succeed with whatever it is that our hearts desires, it is possible that our hearts would be deceived into thinking that it was done on our own strength, borne on the back of our own desires and will to accomplish the tasks. But, if we are forced to let the vision die, and yet against all odds, it is brought back some how at some time, miraculously, then we will be confident that God’s hand is in it, and that it’s His vision and not ours.
This really happened to each of the fathers of the faith at one time or another. Moses had a vision to free the Israelites from Egypt. He tried to do it on his own and, failed miserably. He ended up “on the shelf” for 40 years. Joseph had a vision that he would rule over his brothers. But, he ended up in prison, betrayed, for a very long time—on the shelf. Abraham had a vision of being the father of many nations. He also knew that this would happen through his son Isaac. Yet, when God told him to sacrifice his son, he had enough faith to let that vision die. He figured that it was God who gave him the vision and even if he killed his son, God could raise his son back to life. He let the vision die.
And, then there is Jesus. He knew that He would be the savior of the world. But, in order to do that, He had to entrust Himself to the Father to such a degree that He had to give His life on the cross. In a way, this was the death of a vision for Him, but it was certainly the death of a vision for all of the apostles, who had other ideas about how Jesus would be the coming king of the Jews. They thought they would see His kingdom coming in power, and yet there He was, dying as if a lowly criminal.
That vision died for them, and yet with His resurrection, the vision was resurrected. We still have yet to see the complete fulfillment of that vision. Yet, we know that we shall see it in its fullness one day when our King returns. And, it’s in Him that I place my faith now.
What I mean is, part of why I want to be “in the ministry” is because I really want my heavenly Father to smile down on me from heaven with pride and say, “That’s my boy!” when He sees me doing His work. I want Him to be proud of me, and I want Him to take great pleasure in me. But, doing the work of the ministry is not the way to try to “make Him happy”. In fact, He expressly forbids that kind of “earning” His affections, when He states in the New Testament that our own righteousness is like filthy rags before Him.
My “life verse” (if I had to choose one) would be from Isaiah, where it says, “The Lord does not delight in the strength of a horse, nor in the legs of a man that he should stand. Rather, the Lord delights in those who trust in His unfailing love.” And, yet I always find myself trying to be the “work horse” and not fall down. At the same time, I am so thankful that it is by trusting in Him, that He delights in us, because I am well acquainted with my weaknesses.
All this to say, that I’m laying my strengths and gifts at His altar and taking a step of faith. I’m not going to try to force my way off the bench, on to the court. Rather, I will sit on the bench, or on shelf, and try to rest in His presence and power there until he has other purposes for me. And, really, it’s not as if I’m really on the sidelines. I believe that I will be doing plenty of Spiritual warfare in this next season of my life. It just may not be the kind of stuff that I would be choosing to do. Does this make sense?
Well, God bless you all. Keep us in your prayers please!

Here are some of Aria’s most recent words:
1)”Ow” for meow
2) “Sheoos” for shoes
3) “Ees” for cheese
4) “Sheoos” for juice (same as shoes)
5) “nak” for snack
6) “gu” for good
7) “gu-gu” for good girl
“be-be” for baby

That’s all I can think of right now. Oh, she said “nana” today for banana.

Short and sweet, but it’s pretty darn cute eh?

Blessings… I’ll write more soon.