Shifts

As I listen to the lilting tunes and delightful words–some Gaelic, some English–on BBC Scotland’s radio folk program, I savour the tidy room about me and the just vacuumed carpet. The children are sleeping peacefully and I am looking forward to partaking in a cup of hot tea and orange & lemon cake. But now is the time to write.

Yes, it’s been five months plus since I wrote an article. It’s not that I on’t have anything to say, it’s just that three children have a way of filling my days in a way that just two didn’t. However, having said that, it hasn’t been a difficult transition. Going from no children to one, and then from one to two required much more of a change in my lifestyle. The biggest difference that I have with three is that I have quite a bit more dirty washing and my tasks of the day tend to encroacch on any evening relaxation. I always have a pile of things I’d like to work on, whether they be for pleasure or otherwise, so I have the fortunate position of NEVER being bored. There is always something for me to pick up:-).

Perhaps some day I will write more on Johnny’s birth, perhaps it will just remain in the depths of my journal. Each birth has been such a treasure, so different from each other, but all with overwhelming, deep emotions that stir me deeper than anything else in life. Johnny ’swam’ into the world as he was born in a birthing pool; he also plunged into my heart after I had wondered for several months how I would adjust to a son after two daughters. I needn’t have worried.

Johnny has my eyes. While I know the girls look like me in some ways (like John in others), I’ve never been able to just pick out a feature and say, ‘Yes, that looks like me.’ However, very quickly with Johnny I felt sure that he had MY eyes and am thrilled whenever anyone confirms this. I have my dad’s eyes and he has HIS dad’s eyes, so it’s a proud thing to be passing on something to each generation–like with Johnny’s name on the Clancy side of the family:-): John Leo Clancy IV following his dad, grandpa, and great-grandpa. Johnny’s eyes do vary a bit from mine in colour. Both sets of eyes are brown, but mine have flecks of green and copper wheas his are dark brown. Kiera will ask me what Johnny’s eyes look like and giggles when I say, ‘They’re just like dark chocolate.’

Johnny’s smile has a way of melting my heart. It takes very little to make him smile and he does so gladly, even for complete strangers. He opens his mouth wide in a gummy grin and curls his little hands up under his chin, dipping his head into them like he’s just a wee bit shy, yet looking up with those dark eyes. While he delights in interacting with people, he will get overwhelmed by chaoic masses hovering too close and there is a point where he just wants John or I to rescue him and take him somewhere quiet where he has us all to himself.

Perhaps his laid-back-ness has something to do with the fact that, on the third go, I am pretty confident in what I’m doing. However, I find that things are not always cut and dry. Shifts are taking place within me and I want to be open to change, even if it means moving away from something that ’s been in my repertoire of ‘ideal parenting’. I’m moving from thinking that things are quite black and white. Funny that I find this a bit scary, loetting go of my initial ideals. However, I have the sense that it’s right and good; I want to be open to letting God lead me in my parenting, even in matters of style.

Well, that’s a wee picture of where I’m at right at the moment. Now I’m off for that cake…:-)

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 9th, 2009 at 3:20 pm and is filed under Rachel's Musings, Reflections & Musings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.