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Stirring Dreams in the Pot


When my friend and I popped in to visit a castle in Slovenia, we had the run of it mostly to ourselves. The front looked kind of like a typical old stone castle, but the back was built into a cliff. The castle and the cave beyond merged into one another. I’m pretty sure it served as an escape route. A narrow stairway led to this cave that moved further up into shadows. But in the foreground was a large black cauldron. My friend took a picture of me stirring my imaginary concoction with a stray stick.
My mind is drawn to it now as I think about my “pot of life”. There are a lot of things in the pot: wife-hood; motherhood; the part of me that is forever cooking, cleaning, and managing; and the part of me that has dreams of my own—dreams of painting, sculpting, hiking, exploring, environment, writing, creating, gardening, baking—many dreams. These dreams are thrown in the pot with all the other things that make the stew of my life. I can see myself gazing into this deep pot, perusing the contents, seeing some things far more clearly than others.
Some days I find that all I can be is a mother. Some days the wee girlies are needy enough to consume all the energy I have, and sometimes more. Some days it feels like all I am is a mother. And in this place I’m encouraged and reminded to do this well: to live, to love, to nurture, with a joy knowing that this time will be flying away before I have a chance to blink. And I embrace this.
But then within the corners of my thoughts, I think longingly of my me-dreams. Do I just shelf them?
My me-dreams are in the pot, not very visible, but there none-the-less. If I ignore them, they sink. They sink further into its depths, disappearing. So every now and then, I give the pot a little stir. I write two paragraphs in my Italian story, I bake a lemon cake, I do a little sketch, I explore a side street: the dreams resurface. And though they are mostly hidden in the stew, the little stir is enough to keep them from sinking, to keep them alive.

2 Responses to “Stirring Dreams in the Pot”

  1. Jessica
    July 6th, 2007 10:43

    beautiful. i’m glad you’ve figured out a way to keep your dreams alive. i hope i remember this when i become a mother!

  2. Beka
    August 11th, 2007 11:08

    Wow Rachel, this is such a beautiful truth! I love how you have written this and it is such a good reminder. Sometimes it seems if we can’t fully throw ourself into a dream or interest we have to loose it all – but exploring a side street to keep our adventurous spirit alive; how true!

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