The Bending Road (just up yonder)

Two days…two days and I’ll begin to turn into the next bend in my road. Yes, it’s John’s road and Aria’s road as well, but what a huge thing to think of it as being my road—me, as an individual. Usually when I think about the future, I think about our future. I know this isn’t a bad thing, but sometimes I just forget that I am a person too, that God has something special just for me and my life autonomous from being John’s wife and my children’s mother.
Since graduating from college I have been a traveller. The longest I’ve spent in one place since then was the eight months we were living in India. My feet are itching to put down some roots, to become involved in church and community life. What will that look like for me? Sometimes I even wonder if I’m capable of really becoming involved without wondering where the next step will lead me, it’s been so long. What does it even feel like to have roots?
I haven’t had too much mind-space to wrap around what my life might involve in these coming months, what things I want to pursue. Packing up to move and having a baby are taking up so much space in my head that I don’t think I can squeeze too much more in there at this point. John has other things that crowd his mind and perhaps between the two of us we won’t let anything drop. Really, I shouldn’t even worry about the things that I can’t focus on now as I believe that God will hold them until I’m ready to take them in.
So as I pack up the “essentials” once again, I try to hold onto the peace that I desperately need to keep my sanity in the unknown. Perhaps in some former post I’ve mentioned a painting that hung above my bed when I was in high school: a dirt trail leading through barren trees and bushes of coloured leaves. The path bends through the wood and a puddle of water shows the evidence of a recent rainfall. I always found joy and peace when I looked at that painting. The road may have held a lot of unknowns, but there was beauty in the mystery of the journey…and hope. So I look towards this new bend coming fast upon me and hold to that hope.

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 6th, 2007 at 4:31 pm and is filed under Rachel's Musings, Reflections & Musings. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.