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But it’s mine!


My daughter loves to hang out with me. Ruby the Dog and I are her daily playmates. I am surprised when the people in the church nursery tell me that Aria spent the entire hour sitting quietly by herself playing with toys because at home she’s my little shadow. Even though it can be annoying during those times when I just want to get some things done, I’m thankful for a little girlie who loves her mama.
My time is one of the most valuable things to me. Because of this, I’m very jealous of the time when Aria takes her naps. What I do with that time has a remarkable effect on the outcome of my day. If I use all that time to clean the house or work on the computer, I end up feeling drained and as if I had no rest all day long. If I use that time to sit and read something or occasionally watch a light-hearted chick flick (that John wouldn’t at all be interested in watching with me) I feel much more relaxed and able to be a mummy and a wife.
As soon as Aria’s first nap begins, I run downstairs, put the kettle on for tea, and tidy the upstairs until I hear the kettle whistling. Then I enjoy some Earl Grey with my Bible reading and perhaps over a few paragraphs that I write in my journal. Often during my time reading the Bible, I catch my mind wandering over things to do, worries, concerns: that’s when they all seem to flood in. At times I’ll have to read a verse three times to really know what I just read. This week I’ve been challenged to give more time to that morning read. I wrestle with it: “No, I only have so much time when I can be by myself. I haven’t worked on anything creative for so long. I NEED this time”. But I realize that time that is so precious to me is even more valuable to give to someone I love, to someone who loves me. Sometimes as I read my Bible, I feel like I’m just on the brink of understanding, but my mind is just a tad too occupied, just a little too much in a hurry, to explore deeper depths of truth. I want to do it. As Jesus told Peter the night before he was killed, “The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” My flesh is terribly week. I’m selfish. But somehow I feel that if I give this time up, in the end I will be strengthened, my soul will find nourishment, that I’ll even find time to do those things that I desire to do (write, read, draw, create). I don’t want to be frivilous with my time. It is something that can never be given back once it is gone.
I try to remember this as once again, I find myself giving time to Aria, reading that same book for the fourth time in a row.:-)

2 Responses to “But it’s mine!”

  1. Jessica
    December 6th, 2006 08:04

    i know what you mean… i had no idea i was so selfish until i got married… and i haven’t even got children yet! i really admire you for all you do and for being open and honest about who you are and what you face. love you lots.

    p.s. love the new pics!

  2. Beth
    December 7th, 2006 16:30

    A dear friend of mine once said “If I could raise my kids over again, I’d spend more time playing with them.”
    I think you’re a wonderful mum.
    I, also love your new pics….especially those of Aria and Ruby.

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